Kanoodling Kids

I have a pet peeve about seeing couples in the hallway. Not normal couples who are just talking, maybe holding hands. I’m talkin’ excessive physical contact, usually on the periphery of the hallways but still in plain view of the entire student body. They make it seem like they’re trying to be unobtrusive and stay out of everyone’s way, but in reality they’re trying their hardest to advertise their graphic groping and face-sucking. But on this particular day, the hallway was empty, and the couple I encountered had no illusions of concealing their relationship.
Now, most couples that are generally despised by the population of the school do a lot of the same things to deserve this hated; being perpetually and sickeningly inseparable, speaking so close to each other that their faces are almost touching, like every innocuous conversation is an intimate and passionate and beautiful thing. Rarely do these offenses exceed this magnitude, but this couple ignored the usual progression of annoying high school relationships.
As I opened the door on the first floor heading towards my locker, I was having a pretty good day; ate a nice breakfast, had all my homework done, had a fairly stress-free schedule. And as I processed the contents of the corridor, I noticed a short, obese figure standing awkwardly in the very center of my vision. No one else was around. And then I realized that the figure was not a short, obese person, but it was in fact two people wrapped tightly around each other. They were fused together in a passionate and uncomfortable embrace, groping each other unashamedly, their faces glued together. It was two especially small, immature-looking freshmen, who clearly had no concern for how I felt about their relationship. I was sufficiently startled and adequately disgusted, but I assumed that, especially in the presence of a senior, the two tiny lovers would pull apart in embarrassment and depart awkwardly while I laughed to myself. But to my horror, none of this occurred; they acted as if I wasn’t even there and continued to produce sounds that were not unlike pigs feeding from a trough. I tried to inch my way by as discreetly as possible, but I could not, for the life of me, tear my gaze away from the offensive spectacle before me. It was impossible to suggest they had not noticed me, for I had done my best to make my presence blatantly obvious. I came to the conclusion that nothing short of physical intervention would separate these two. As I walked back to my classroom, my brain just couldn’t wrap itself around what I had just seen, couldn’t possibly produce a rational explanation for the absurdness it just processed. Theirs is a love I will never understand.